Stupid laws

In Brewton Alabama, it's against the law to operate a motorboat on city streets.
In Minnesota, you will be take to jail if you stand in front of a moving train.
In Greece you can get the death penalty if you are caught kiss a women in public.
In Belvedere, California, there is an ordinance that reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without it's master on a leash".
In Maine , it's against the law to molest an alligator.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a hen can not lay eggs before 8am or after 4pm.
In florida the law forbids a housewife from breaking more than three dish in one day.
In Kentucky: any female between the weight of 90 to 200 pounds appear in a bathing suit on a highway must be escorted by at least two officer or armed with a club.
In West "by God" Virginia, where else!, A man can only marry his first cousins if she is under the age of 55.
In Kentucky you can not remarry the same man more than four times.
Infants in Los Angeles cannot dance in public halls.
In Tennessee, it is against the law to drive a car while you are asleep.
Memphis , Tennessee: No women shall operate a car unless a man is running or walking in front of the car waving a red flag to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists. (You know, this isn't a bad law!)
If you inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide in South Carolina you have committed a capital offense punishable by death.
This laws not stupid, it just needs to be enforced!-In Maine, there is a law that calls for a legal hunting season on all attorneys.
Chicago, It is unlawful to eat in a place that is on fire.
Would you believe that in Xenia , Ohio, it's illegal to spit in a salad bar.
Dyersburg, Tennessee, it's illegal for a girl to call a guy and ask him for a date.
Did you know that in Canada it's illegal to board a plane while it is in flight.
In Florida, you can not hunt or kill deer while swimming.
In Puedlo, Colorado, growing dandelions is against the law.
Did you know that you can not park or land a flying saucer in any vineyard in France.
New York , It's against the law to do anything against the law.
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Connecticut, You can be stopped by the police for going over 65 miles per hour on a bicycle.
Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
In New Mexico, females are strictly forbidden from appearing unshaven in public.
Joliet, Illinois,women can be arrested for trying on more than six dresses in one store.
In Natoma, Kansas it's against the law to practice knife throwing at men wearing striped suits.
In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
In Hawaii it is against the law for you to insert pennies in your ear.
It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM in Memphis, Tennessee. .
No one is permitted to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket in Lexington, Kentucky.
In Baldwin Park, California nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

Murphy's law of enforcement

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains.
The newly elected Sheriff is not the one you voted for, and he knows it!
Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.
Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.
Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".
If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
Coffee machines only brake down on the graveyard shift.
Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
To error is human, to forgive is against department policy.
You will find a "police discount" one day before payday.
Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.
No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.
Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.
The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.
Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.
Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.
Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.
You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only three positions.
If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.
The speed you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.
Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.
Bullet proof vests might be.
Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density to high traffic density.
Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a ticket.
NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.
You will never get a bomb threat call until the squad is away on training.
The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.
Word processors only delete reports when they are nearly done.
Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder.
You receive a subpoena for a major felony case for the first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.
Do unto others, but do it first.
Eat right, Exercise, Die anyway.
Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.
Waterproof boots aren't.
Freebees will only arrive at the station on your days off.
There is an inverse relationship between the number of auto club stickers on a rear bumper and how well the person drives.
You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.
To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!
Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.
The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiator is to negotiate with the crisis committee!
No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes another's idea...usually the Chief's
If your patrol car's air is out the suspect will smell worse than a wet dog.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
The only perfect science is hind- sight.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.